Thursday, August 28, 2014

The disambiguate discontinuation

The disambiguate discontinuation

Friday July 4, 2014
As being unable to resist not expressing myself on my blog, a rather interesting complete turn of events (i.e. The opposite) of my daily workplace mask and armor (where I can go for whole days/work shifts without uttering a word unless I am spoken to) I wanted to share a few things of late which I haven't been able to do so due to reality and the perpetual limitations of time and resources. First, on the weekend of June 24th (St John Baptist holiday) we took our nephew for two days which resulted in me not being able to accomplish much of anything. Same for Canada day weekend (July 1st, aka the entire province's official moving day as well) where a couple of friends from Ottawa came down with their daughter for a few days. Also resulting in not getting much done on my own personal projects. I hadn't cum in about a whole week so when I had the opportunity on Tuesday July 1st (while my wife waS sleeping/napping), my cock ended up cumming before I was ready, but at least I had one camera filming while I accidentally popped before I was ready. Not a great cumshot since I wasn't ready, and it was a shame since I actually had made a decent set-up for the dolls, complete with a perfectly positioned CumReceptacle. So the next day, Wednesday July 2, I ended up doing a quickie with the Simone Style doll, this time around popping an explosive climax all over her and the Joanna Cum/GigaRags resulting in a mighty fine session if I dare say so myself. I've been racking quite a few Simone sessions of late as I plan on using a bit more of the Sarah Twain doll in the near future. I also received the Monica Sweetheart Bdoll through  the mail a couple days ago , and it smelled like indoor cigarettes mixed with perfume, one of her boots is broken, and she had this suspicious stain on her right elbow. Not the "near mint" condition she was promised as, but she is a very beautiful doll. Can't wait to take pictures of her and make a "Meet Monica" post to introduce her to you fine readers. But then again, I haven't done the Azkadelia post either (didn't take her cast pictures yet!). In another note, I re-surfaced a couple of old Peter North VHS tapes from my indiscretion from the AC location from back in early 2013. Quite a few of these films from the 90s are long discontinued and can not be found on DVD re-issue. For example, I transferred onto DVD-r the Madison Stone & Peter coupling from William Black's early 90s flick "Total Reball", which was at the time considered a poor man's Andrew Blake take. It's the scene where Madison almost gets doused in one of Peter's more impressively captured (on two angles) ejaculations carefully aimed just millimeters off of Madison's sunglasses-clad face, pasting mostly her shades and some part of her mug, but most of which just flies off, wasted somewhere on the floor. It is still a most fantastic cumshot, and probably one of the most impressive the two ever shared in their short career together (I am still waiting for my "The Mistress 2" DVD re-issue which I ordered earlier this week, more details to come!). After that one I transferred another ultimate classic which I never found on DVD, the Caballero (although Hustler's appears on the cover, so they had something to do with it) film "The Pink Pussycat", featuring late 80s and early 90s super icon performer Ashlyn Gere. "Pink Pussycat" is obviously the film where the Peter North and Ashlyn opening scene ends in the most explosive a d spectacular facial he's ever given her, one which all true and long time North popshot fans know about (and that cumshot made it in my "Top Cumshots from Top Studs" post from a few months ago). Ashlyn was one of those rare late 80s and early 90s performers who looked so much into the sex she was having on camera that you did not care she didn't have anal sex until further down in her career. Her scene with Peter here is proof that she was quite the enthusiastic lover of sex, and even her post facial cleanup on Mr North's pole (however short it was) is quite tasty. The mere fact that she doesn't back away and does lapping movement with her tongue as Peter pumps spunk shot after spunk shot bullseye on her face is proof enough that she was something to behold. My only complaint about this scene? It was not shot using a multiple angle set-up! It's one of those cumshots where you wished they had planned ahead and had another camera nearby to catch the flying semen explosion! This facial could in fact rival the Francesca Le dousing in "Bare Market". Moving along here, I continued with another classic I'd been dreaming about for ages, the Wicked pictures' "The Time Machine" starring Serenity and Jonothan Morgan. In the middle of the flick Peter North and Tatiana Cortez play american natives (not to say indians) who go at it in a hut, Tatiana giving a sloppy hummer number to Peter's pecker before they fuck, culminating in a somewhat short one-position anal bit before he semi backwards/side drops mostly to her body and mouth. Now with THIS one in my collection (unfortunately as a lower-grade french translated VHS tape) I'm actually only missing ONE North/Tatiana pairing: I've managed to collect all their other scenes together on DVD throughout the years. "Time Machine" is a bit of another one of those "unicorn" films; I had read about it ages ago, looked for it in the days before DVDs became the standard in porn, and once I stumbled upon in i. A used record store on Le Plateau, but decided to buy other tapes (VHS) instead, not knowing (back then) that when I returned a mere two or three weeks later, the store had liquidated their VHS section and now housed only DVDs. The film had disappeared and slipped through my hands as I did not know the volatile nature of adult releases, especially for older discontinued flicks. Since then I had been trying to hunt down "The Time Machine" with no success, my luck turning only when in early 2013 the private collection (see my March-April 2013 AC location indiscretion) of a gent had this VHS tape amongst it. Finally, last scene from a tape I dubbed to DVD-R last night was the Peter and Lana Sands coupling in the Klimaxxx production of "Writer's Block". This one is by no means a classic like the others, and I had only quickly FFWDed through the scene months ago, so i had forgotten that it was a wee bit stale and that old uncle Peter had wood problems in the scene. It also ended in doggy style, Peter exiting Lana's moist cunt to pop his load onto her pussy and asshole. Again, by far not a very good scene but not a dud either, which would have gained quite a significant bonus if she took his pop to her face. I've seen her do it in a few other releases (like the Rosebud "GangBang FaceBath 1" DVD, for example) so it isn't like she's allergic to cum or anything (she's not from Montreal, after all!). Lana Sands is a strange one for me, as I find myself unable to resist her, even if she doesn't fit many of the so-called criteria I usually look for in a woman; all natural, darker toned skin latina-style, dark hair.... Nope, NOTHING like the type of ladies I go bonkers for in porn! Anyway, I still have a LOT to go through and should be digging out those old, old DWB tapes from ages ago (DirtyWhiteBoy, a USA gent I used to trade with VHS tapes ages and ages ago) since he had more porn in those old tapes which I still haven't been able to find in all my years of collecting, stuff like Kirsty Waay and Peter North popshots, amongst countless others. Man, the amount of porn now long disappeared throughout the ages is astounding, and although most don't care as porn is porn to the common human, there is something classic about those older titles, like a little bit of magic which today's features lack. Oh, I won't go there; I don't have the time to go into details right now, but suffice it to say I look forward to doing some more Peter VHS transfers soon, such as stuff with Vicca, Jeana Fine, Savannah, and many many more!

This looks like Silvia LAncome (yes, one of my favorite pornstars!). If it IS her (which I highly suspect it is), expect this picture to make it to her OWN birthday blog page!
Wednesday July 9, 2014:
It's been a few days now without any internet connection at home, which is kind of a major wood-stick in the bike's wheel. That's a Quebecois expression which I guess may not have the same impact in English. Suffice to specify that not having any internet is more than an inconvenience nor a hassle, but also a serious obstacle when most of what one does which is considered relevant to most happens online. Surely I mustn't be the only one who hasn't been wooled over to the empty and un-truthful claims of modern tech toy manufacturers that one can accomplish "so much more" on an "intelligent" phone and a tablet than using a reaL computer. Yes, we must give credit where credit is due, and thus it is very practical to have some form of internet connection on our phones and pads and whatnot, but even the cleverest of the applications can not come near using actual tools. The differences and the main point here is this very blog, which has the ability to be "updated" via email or the application on the phone, but the flexibility offered in such "remote" alternatives is greatly reduced. As I have mentioned when I made a short post using my phone about the lackings and limitations of using the phone instead of the computer, the phone doesn't offer the clip upload option at all, and also reduces in size and quality aNy image attached to a post. Using the email function only allows for a single picture upload/attachment, and also reduces its size considerably. So if one wants to be specific, one could say that yes, the tech toys can get the job done, but by experience, they are still lightyears behind in terms of user interface flexibility. The mere fact all these phones and pads and tablets don't allow for any film editing is a shining example of what these people had hoped to achieve when getting the human population hooked on these devices: limit their choices, and make the decisions for them. It's no wonder I have such a hard time doing anything on my phone; I am certain the developers are continuing to find ways to prevent me from using their technology in the ways which I wish to. After all, it goes way beyond their original plans and predictions at how to engulf the users and lull them into apathy. But that's just to vent a wee bit about how slaves we are to our technology, and how so very fragile it is. Why did our internet connection suddenly stopped working over the weekend just when the other technician was installing the landlord's (& family) own internet cable? This isn't the first time this has happened, and suffice it to say it is part of the daily life experience. But on a lighter note, since I am pressed for time with this huge and absolutely incredibly monstrous file I need to sort/copy/scan for work: on Friday evening I improvised a little quickie late night HJ with the Sarah Twain Bdoll in my bedroom as my wife was sleeping on the couch! Even had some of her side of the bed cumstained by accident! I also shot a 3-angled session last Monday also with Sarah Twain, a very creamy and messy cumshot as well (somewhat not up to par with some of the bigger ones, but far from a smaller one!), which left her, and the Joanna cum-giga rags, a rather creamy site to behold! After work in a few hours I plan on shooting another session, although this time I am debating what to do and which doll will be the main focus. I am leaning towards the Monica Sweetheart doll, but I am not certain if I am ready to give her her very first official facial yet. Maybe I'll settle for a small cum container or cum shot glass session instead. I'll keep you fine readers posted, you can count on that!

Preview pic of the official first baptism of the Monica Sweetheart Bdoll!

Thursday July 10 2014;
Well I did it; I baptized the Monica Sweetheart Bdoll yesterday! I returned home after work rather swiftly and immediately started working on the set-up, intercutted by a short bathroom break (not the kind of mother nature activities you would want me to film, mind you!) where I started to sort through a box of "new arrivals" in terms of porn DVDs. Well new is a relative term: these are dozens and dozens of porn DVDs from my more recent orders, as well as some which are not so recent either. I definitely need some time to be able to file and catalogue these properly. What I did do while sitting on the bathroom throne was pick out a few Anabolic "Cumshots" compilations featuring Peter North, as well as volume 1'in the series which features a Jon Dough and Monique DeMoan facial, so that I could file it in my little "Monique DeMoan" section. After this I continued the set up, placed the cameras, arranged the lighting and put a couple of porn DVDs in a few players, and just allowed the magic of porn and popshots to overtake me as I got hard and proceeded to start taking pictures of Monica teasing me and my cock on the couch. Once I was plentifully hard enough, I started the clip. It began as I jerked off on the couch watching porn (gee, what a surprise and a stretch, right?) and then revealed Ms Sweetheart to the camera, as she slowly began to tease me with a sort of handjob and leg job combo. Before long, we moved to the other room (where the set up is) as I introduced a few of the other plastic gals who had been waiting patiently. After all the preliminaries were done, I positioned the third camera onto the tripod and prepared for the three-angled tripod cumshot sequence. Monica Sweetheart was in the cumreceptacle, and I even brought that Brasil shot glass along to do what I had mentioned yesterday. Boy oh boy, was I excited to jack off to Monica, the first and only "blonde" doll so far in terms of new 2014 arrivals in the harem! So after all three cameras were rolling, I just kept on jacking off for a rather short period of time; my cameras' memory cards were reaching their critical limits, my wife was due home in a matter of a couple of dozen minutes, and I knew I had to keep this session on a short note. And so before the two minute mark, my balls told me the time had come and it was inevitable  as well as useless to resist, and I completely forgot about the Brasil shot glass and ended up exploding a Buttery load all over Monica, on her hair, face, earrings, outfit, and pantyhose clad legs, as well as on the lingerie worn by Carmen who was sitting atop Monica, the Joanna CumGigaRags, and some overshots on the TV set of course! Although I was not expecting a huge load, it was quite a delightful one, quite voluminous and thick, pasting Monica in a way that she did not look quite the same as she did in her mugshot and first non-porn photoshoot! The thick strands of cum on the right side of her face, her earrings and hair had to be photographed quite fast for the cum would surely dry up and dribbled down the gravitational way! So quickly after popping, I switched to photographic mode and took as many pics as I could while the spunk was still photo worthy! After a few dozen pictures, I shot a final little quickie post-ejaculatory showcase to finish things off, as well as re-introduced all the cutey dollies which were around to enjoy the show, and had time to "close up shop", clean up, de-set-up, and even managed to clean the cat liter box and map out a large chunk of a Vivid 4-hour compilation DVD! My wife arrived a wee bit later than usual which is why I had time to do those other things after the BBB session. But in all honesty, I was jot expecting this session to be Monica's first official facial baptism, and maybe that is part of why it ended up so well: I did not have the "pressure" to perform a proper popshot and maybe that enabled me to actually relax and come up with an unpredictably delicious ejaculation, very noteworthy for any new BBBdoll's first exposure to the fetish! I look forward to cumming on the Monica Bdoll often in the near future! She is quite the looker!

Friday July 11 2014:
Some days are harsher than others. This meaning that some days, the self destructive depression is stronger than other days, today being a particularly difficult one. No matter how much I engulf myself in work and concentrate upon it to make me try to forget everything around me, time seems to be slowing down with each passing moment. I feel as though I have done two work shifts today already and there's still that final stretch left to go. But concentration is difficult at best right now: I keep forgetting stuff in my bag, little outer reminders of the pleasantries outside of work (as if work had anything pleasurable) which keep me as sane as I can be while stuck in this job environment. Oh here's something I wanted to share: the big monster conglomerate we work for is one of those self-proclaiming "people first" companies which brainwashes everyone from employee to customers that they have the well being of people as their central core of values. As part of their mandate and campaign to promote a healthy workplace environment, they often have these online third party anonymous surveys for employees to answer and fill-out. I've done a few so far since we've been assimilated, and two in the past two weeks, one of which was yesterday. The interesting thing is that "I" (the "I" who anonymously answers their questions) seem to be a major risk factor; not in the "will explode in a fit of rage and harm people around him" sense, but more in terms of "not very work healthy" or such modern day corporate wordshit. Let me simply put it clear. These huge corporations who claim to have the well being of their employees as a principal value are so obsessed with profits and numbers that there is little to no place at all for what I like to call, and baptized (since i am the only one in it) as the "non-existing" demographic. Where surveying opinions from hundreds if not thousands of people, the little 0.0001% is more often than not ignored or swept under the rug. Companies forget about "those" numbers as the percentile is completely dismissible. They make up these largely generalized questions for the marginally generalized common people, the majority of the demographic, in order to ooze in their preferred numbers, a sort of patting themselves on the back if you will, since that is how they keep their "top" status at number one year after year, satisfying the board of directors and shareholders, and having the numbers to show potential clients the results they feel will win them over. In essence, it's like an election campaign where the results are not legally rigged but are gently swayed and presented in ways to positively re-enforce the company's established profile. The point in this case is that I do take some kind of twisted pride in taking the time to answer these surveys and questionnaires in order to bring a voice to the "non-existing" demographic. I answer truthfully and offer as much detail as possibly can when allowed to share opinions and comments. It does basically boil down to me trying to remind whoever's higher up in the food chain at this company that not everyone who was once part of a self sustaining independent small company that has been assimilated into a larger one feels validated or appreciated. That is because some folks, albeit rare enough as is, were already slightly anonymous and erroneous in their original job posts, now rendered multiplied by a few factors in the new job position amongst the monster conglomerate. My favorite question is some amongst the lines of "do you feel you have a say or control over your professional career in your present position?". Obviously a question for at least a good 80% of the folks who work here, but for myself, asking a question like that is like slapping me in the face with a metal pan and telling me I was born a loser and doomed to be a loser forever. Seriously, whoever wrote this survey really has no idea how far down their own rabbit hole goes, if they are unaware of the fact that their own company has low-level schmucks who were given a job title out of pity working for them. It's like asking a de-clawed cat if the claw sharpening facilities are adequate.  In the now modern day immortal words of the internet people, what the fuck? Answer? Of course I do NOT feel I have any control over my own job, what kind of half assed ignoramus horseshit cow puke question is that? 

Wednesday july 23 2014:
For those of you wondering about the odd sequence and irregular input to this post, as it does span quite a serious number of weeks in between contributions, well the only real and simplest way to explain it is time restrictions. I am incredibly busy these days/weeks/months, and unlike the days of yore, find no time to report upon it. In essence, to simplify things as best I can, all weekends until about mid-September are booked solid. On July 25 2014 I am premiering a 5 minute soundtrack, as well as running errands while going down to the Beauce (area in Quebec province) for my wife's father's wedding, a huge weekend-long celebration outdoors out in the sticks where cell phone reception does not exist. On wednesday the 30th there is a press conference I am to attend to help promote my brother's film "First Night" as part of the Mascara & Popcorn film festival. On August 15th, "First Night" premieres worldwide, and there is no way I am to miss that one. Then there's just a whole bunch of things happening all the time, which will include vacations in the US and such. Tonight I have an ostheopath RV which will cost me $90. I wish my memory would be in better shape because it is one thing to write about being busy but if I don't have factual proof to offer, it makes most people uncertain as to the nature of this schedule. I haven't done anything on my blog in weeks now, and seriously can not see anytime soon when I will be able to do so. But it doesn't really matter because in the end, my passions don't pay the bills, and the sad, cold, heartwretching unfortunate truth is that if I am not getting paid for it, or if it doesn't serve a serious purpose outside my selfish secret being, then it is not important and is not a priority. I mean just the fact that Miss98 turned out flaking out entirely out of her fetish and the trade we were planning should serve as a reminder that you can not put too much stock in people especially when it comes to any and all sexual exchanges in all forms. But I have also found some time to shoot some BBB of course, mainly a few Monica Sweetheart sessions of late, which include a few basics, along with extra bonus second loads, plus a few more fetish oriented experiments, one which I did not plan thoroughly beforehand, and I ended up shooting my cum mostly on a DVD binder and the hard wood floor. Just last night I had a wee bit of time and i was exhausted (insomnight before) so I shot a boot/leg oriented fetish scene with Monica S which left her caked in my cum batter! Yeah, the night before I did not sleep much. By my own perspective, I did not sleep at all (hence a true white night) but I do believe I must have dozed off for a few micro snoozes periodically. Needless to say I was a wreck and a half yesterday, but a powernap during lunchtime and a snooze in the metro ride home helped me get enough energy to spend the rest of the evening in semi consciousness. I also was able to map trough three Sin city DVDs, "Dare" (with Ava Vincent, Nikita Denise, and April Flowers amongst others), "Shanghai Poon" (with Aliyah Yi, Bamboo, and Jade Marcel amongst others), and "Evolution" (with Monica Sweetheart, Asia Carrera, Dee, and April Flowers amongst others). I had forgotten how beautiful April Flowers was, for a blonde. Thin, waif-like, she gives the impression she's no more than five feet one, but the lady is tall like no other, probably reaching close to six feet tall, similarly to Lauren Phoenix. "Dare" is not a bad flick at all, although I myself never found Evan Stone to being such a "rockstar" in films, so watching him "act" while other fuck nearby is a bit distracting. The asian ladies in "Shanghai Poon" all seem to have had better days but they are consistent with what it is expected of them, and one girl gets her face royally fucked up by an Arnold Schwarzenpecker mega blast. As for "Evolution", well Eva Flowers is still yummy nummy gorgeous, Monica Sweetheart is as always such a feast for the eyes, and Asia Carrera fucks a borg in her scene which ends with a fake dildo spraying cum right before she takes on a semi facial to end her scene. It is well known to all porn lovers out there that Asia Carrera, animal lover and protector and seriously educated intellectual, does not take facial cumshots in her scenes. This must be one of her all-too-rare exceptions. Anyway later on I also quickly scoped out "Kiss of the Black Widow" (or something to that effect) in which there is a scene where Jon Dough fucks Kiki Daire ending in a massive blast which can not be contained to her mouth, and we'll give Kiki extra points for taking on such a blast all over without jumping out of the camera's frame. Easily one of Jon Dough's better cumshots! But my evening was not filled with fun and games as I had to do the dishes, as well as clean up & change the cat liter, and then clean up the garbage can to avoid the formation of some aspects of nature which most people are either unaware of, or would rather not be reminded of! Finally after all the required responsibilities were takeN Care of and the session was over and cleaned-up and de-set-up, and after having mapped out the DVDs mentioned above (I should also mention I also mapped out the "Swap Meat" flick with Mika Tan, Jessie J, Angel Long, Ryan Connor, Monica Sweetheart, and Angela Crystal who actually says a few odd words of pseudo-dialogue in this feature!) it was getting late and I was waiting on my wife for her medicine injection. She was of to a class which finished later than anticipated, and I was passing out big time when she arrived. Anyway, I just wanted to specify just how busy I am / have been / and will be for the next few weeks/months. I have always found it a scary concept to be so booked so often and so much in advance on so many occasions, often wondering if this is what life is all about: schedules and such. I keep wondering because I see some folks out there who seem to stay at home day in and day out, week after week, month after month, and yes, year after year. Maybe it is because I am married? Perhaps my uber-busy condition is a result of my marital status? Who knows, maybe the bachelors can afford to sit on their asses all day all weekend long doing nothing but playing computer games! Anyway I have to run; got to close off my computer and get ready to leave for my ostheo appointment! Sorry about being incredibly busy; I only wish I could be cloned!

Thursday July 24 2014:
I just finished uploading a teaser trailer for my brother's film. I started working on it yesterday but the computer froze while I was assembling it, and i thought it was lost forever. This morning when i opened up the computer, I had a flash and I tried to re-open the program, at which point it somehow salvaged the work which was done, and  I was therefore able to finish it. It's a funky little teaser, a true one in the sense that it features no images from the film itself, just text appearing on a black screen. I also added a few moments of music which, in true cinematic teaser fashion, was not part of the original soundtrack! I hope my brother likes it because I posted it to the event page he created for the film's premiere. Well it shouldn't be too bad, although he hates it when there are "spoilers" released about his film without his direct consent. Again, I made sure that there was nothing of the film itself being presented except for the title and the main performers' names. I made it specifically to be nothing but a teaser, something to remind people of the official showing date, as well as where they can buy tickets for the premiere. Yeah, I know I am making a huge deal for such a little independent film, but I am also sort of proud to do these little things. Incidentally, before anyone can pass judgement and comment on the fact that I "complain" I don't have any time but seem to come up with these clips for FaceBook "all the time", I should specify that I did these clips while at work, and not at home. When at work, things are slow (it happens although as I finished the teaser, suddenly work appeared & pilled up) I decided to do these little tidbits of clips for fun and they all turned out quite pleasant, so I decided to share them. They aren't masterpieces at all, but at least I did them and they are done, out there, and without a doubt now part of the interweb database. Most people are leeches as it is already well established, but a very small portion are actually creators, and instead of expecting these things to magically happen out of nothing, they just do them regardless of who thinks what. At least I did something with my talent and imagination, and I try/tried desperately to share it with the world. I will admit I do not know of many people out there who do a quarter of what I did. 

Amateur (soon to be pro) Lexi Starr!

A picture of the new T-shirt just baptized (in late July 2014) for Joanna P's private Bday clip 2014... But...

Tuesday July 29 2014;
Today is birthday of one of the most important ladies of my internet online personae & existence. She's been a strong presence in all my adult activities since mid-2010 and has been through thick and thin with me, sharing all the good and the bad as well as the ugly, but mostly the sticky and dirty! Joanna celebrates a special day today, and my main regret this time is NOT having forgotten her birthday like some instances in the past, but rather not having been able to prepare a decent post in her honor, nor having been able to ship out to her the first of a few birthday gifts trough the mail. It has taken me quite a long time to finally get some few lost and stolen moments just to pack her first present, due to my incredible amount of business of late. As I hope i have already mentioned in previous entries up above, this summer is quite a peculiar one as all my weekends are booked solid up until about mid-september, and that began a few weekends ago. Of course leading a double life online which is kept secret to most people in my real life also is quite a challenge to juggle, as it is hard enough as is to do what it is that my porn life needs, wants, requires, and demands, without giving too much away in my real life, and vice versa. The fact that my two main consciousness live simultaneously side and side but can never co-exist in the same spot at the same moment does prove quite an impressive feat to maintain without slipping up. Hence the reason why it is so difficult to manage this blog, my Xtube channel, my two Utoob channels, and my other various spots online dedicated to adult entertainment, porn, and doll fetishism amongst other things. I guess it is hard to explain on my end and harder to comprehend on yours unless you too keep a few major secrets from your closest friends and intimate partners. Thus being said, it isn't as though I can log on to my blog and make a half dozen posts complete with pics and clips in the time it takes to think about them; in most circumstances, I have to constantly look over my shoulder to make sure I am not getting caught with my proverbial pants down. This does mean that crafting anything at all takes double the time of any regular person,  if any regular person actually shared anything at all online except Facebook forwarding. So I hope no one is still left wondering about my lack of output of late (or of "whenever") since I think I have now made it quite clear why my online contributions always seems to be in progress and ever so rarely actually finished or ready.    

A preview poster for one of the short films in competition at the 2014 Mascara & Popcorn film fest!
Wednesday July 30 2014;
Well to use the expression I heard in a manor hollywood motion picture, I'm here now at what I am affectionately calling the "press honket" for my brother's film. I'm about a HaLf hour early in a nice little cozy bar where there is no air so it's way too boiling hot for a guy in my high class garb. My brother should be joining me soon-ish, followed by other folks who participated in the film, mainly two actors I was playing opposite in the film. I am sweating like a pig and I hope I won't catch something since this the perfect type of opportunity to do so. While we wait, might as well add words to this blog, no? The place is playing  good old 50s rock-n-roll classics including. Piece which was overheard ever so quickly in the Star Trek First ContAct film. My wife would be grooving just about now! In other musicAl news, I got a packaGe recently containing a few CDs of ex-Panasonic band members Ilpo and Mika. Ilpo formed a band called Angel and they've released a few albums so far, three of which I was lucky to have been able to find at a decent price. Contrary to expectations, there is none of that cold thumping mechanical post techno rhythms i n any of the  3 albums heard so far, instead Angel being more in tune towards the more ambient abstract soundscapes. It's very impressive, and quite interesting since it allows to see the side of the non-linear Panasonic tracks Ilpo was responsible for. It isn't bad at all, just a bit lacking in the rhythm and linear section. Also amongst these finds I was able to score an album by the other half of Panasonic, Mika Vainio, from 2003. Mika's always been particularly productive either in collaborations, or as various incarnations of his solo projects. His work has spoken for itself for ages now, and much like Ilpo's, is more oriented towards the minimalist abstract approach rather than the beat oriented stuff we would have "possibly" expected. However his style is also different from Ilpo's and one can see by listening to each side of the once duo where their forces and specific stylings lies. Mika's sound, being much more "productive" in output, is also more immediately recognizable, as well as very self representative: it is in fact "his sound" and it is difficult to ignore this since we (the fans) have been exposed to his works much more than his once counterpart. It's interesting because I do believe this may very well be his best solo album under his name yet, as each piece flows effortlessly into one another, making it quite an intriguing listen when you are not watching each track melting and fading into one another. It could be possible to consider this a whole piece, an entire "one track" album with variations in mood aNd somewhat --- OK fast forward a bit: the press honket is over: my brother came, Sandra came, and Robert also showed up, so I had to cut it short.   The press conference was more of a joke but it was fun, and even with a free drink ticket I did not consume any alcohol! The good thing is that the teaser trailer I did for my brother got shown on the big screen, and it seemed that the title of the film was mentioned after each phrase uttered by the folks talking in the microphone. Basically it is as though there's a big buzz about he film since no one knows exactly what it's all about. Only a handful of people have seen it, and it shows, as those who did seem to look at my brother (and I for that matter)do give us some slightly "altered" glances. Anyway, the event was fun as heck, as I loved seeing Rob again (he's such a great guy, down to earth considering his long-standing stature as an actor), and of course getting to see Sandra is always a treat; she's an incredible performer, and absolute delight and an actress I am simply begging to work with again; her thespian skills are without equal! Anyway, we had a lot of fun, sober fun for my part, and I am glad it is over with; I am so drenched under these clothes; I can't wait to get out of them and go chill out at home! Well in other news as you have read i n the paragraph above, it was Joanna's birthday yesterday, and even though I am nowhere near ready to show anything from it, I actually shot a special birthday session for her! As usual I was pressed for time, and so I had to do something quick and improvised, but it worked out well, considering the time limitations! Now I shan't give out too many details about the exact nature of the session, as I do want it to remain a surprise for when I do get to edit it and send it off to Joanna, but I will say this: it had been a couple of days since I had ejaculated, worked up a nice big load for her, managed to baptize a whole new CumRag, and the final stain my spunk left is simply mind-bogglingly huge! I don't like to toot my own horn (don't I already do enough of that as is?) but I wonder how many other guys' loads would it have taken to plaster that CumRag the way I did? Anyhow, it was messy and sticky and very fun and I was just glad I was able to do a session for Joanna on her exact birthday for once, instead of doing it in advance in order for it to be ready for her birthday! Well come to think of it, she was probably already getting her cunt creamed by her local boys fan club out there in the UK at the  exact  moment I was donating a load for her! And it does seem lime I hadn't cum for her in the longest time, hasn't it? Granted my opportunities to do so aren't as numerous as they used to be, nor is my energy as plentiful and bountiful, but it does feel good to rub one out for the cumslut! This of course brings me to a host of other goodies I'd love to talk about but my metro is almost home now, and I shall need to retire this phone to recharge it overnight. Suffice it to say that I'll be uber-busy in the coming weeks as usual, with my time hopefully returning to whatever passes as normal by mid-september, except for the fact that I'll be most probably reprising my role from my brother's film as a cameo appearance in his next short film which is scheduled to be shooting in mid-september. It'll be my chance to work with Rob and Sandra again, and just for that, it's definitely worth it! I should also mention something about the latest order  I placed for porn DVDs, and order which features a ton of dirt cheap Jon Dough and Peter North flicks (we're talking $2 each, an approx price of course!) as well as some rare finds including more Rosebud titles, a few earlier Tiffany Mynx flicks, and one of the all-too-rare Rocco and Rosa (his real life wife) couplings still available.  I even decided to (finally) order the "Deep Inside Jeanna Fine" flick strictly because it features the scene she shares with Peter North in the long discontinued "Party doll A GoGo part 1" film, a DVD which costs $70 as a used disc, and easily $100 as a new one. Sellers and retailers who how rare it is to have such a flick, such as other DVDs which I may or may not discuss later on, as now is the time to retire my phone, for my metro trek to hone ends here. Let's hope I still have some juice left to write again tomorrow if it is still relevant for me to do so!

Monday august 4, 2014;
I am going to end this one because it feels as though I have been writing it for months and yet there seems so little which has been said! So much stuff happening but I haven't the time to absorb it all and least of all actually report upon it. If the chaotic nature of the universe doesn't keep you up at night wondering why we have created these concepts such as order and justice, then surely you won't mind my back & forth through future and past while the present seems to be the tidal wave crashing from what is to be and what is thrusted past what once was! As I have mentioned already my weekends shall (and are) pretty much booked solid until about mid september. I know this upcoming weekend we are guests in the VIP room of the Montreal "Uniprix" stadium for the women's tennis championships or something of the sort. I don't mind this because food and alcohol is free and plentiful, and I get to watch athletic girls in short shorts run and jump to hit balls. Who doesn't like that? Well the fact that too many of them are blondes does but a short "blehh" o tarnish around the sport but I have always loved women's tennis "in the flesh". I also know for a fact that next weekend after that we are to go to Ottawa to visit friends and have a bit of fun. Oh, this wednesday I have another otheo appointment so I'd better not forget my stretchy change of clothes! Tomorrow my Montreal DVD contact is supposed to meet up with me because he apparently has quite a substantial amount of Evil Empire discs for me. There goes the budget! Oh and it looks like April or May 2015, my wife is preparing a vacation for us in Bermuda! Yes, it all sounds all so far fetched and out of this world, but this is my life after all! The really funny thing is that I may make it seem like it's a hassle (the only real hassle is the lack of time to work on clip, the blog, stuff for Joanna... Stop the presses my guy is here: about 3/4 of the order He had for me was not my stuff: other unrelated Evil Empire DVDs: I guess the warehouse folks at Valentine Video are as incompetent as anyone else elsewhere! Anyway, no surprise there: never underestimate the incompetence of humans! So he was a bit frustrated at the

Wednesday august 13 2014;
Recently Joanna and myself have hit quite the rough patch. It basically boils down to me ruining her birthday. From my perception I think she may have expected way too much out of me concerning how our online relationship should not even exist in the first place, whereas on her point of view, she is not important enough to me for me to spend money on shipping packages to her to arrive on time  and then making a public post making it seem as though the cost of said package was of more importance than she actually is. There are many other factors at work here of course but the point is that we are at an impasse. She may feel and think that I value other online activities as lore important than she is, and perhaps when you look at it in one way, you may indeed see it under than light. Truth be told, I do not want to have to repeat myself , but it seems that the more I write, the more I do need to give a redundancy check to my postings, public, or otherwise. I have already pretty much expressed and explained everything to Joanna via a series of private emails but in the spirit of explaining things here before too much happens and then major changes take place without any preparation or warnings, allow me to say once and for all that I am depressed and exhausted. This means that doing just about anything seems like a heavy chore to me. Just thinking about having to find the time (a rarity as it were) to edit a clip is enough to make me want to break down and cry seeing as though I don't have the energy (or the time) to do so. I just think of editing a clip and I am already depressed. And let's not talk about inspiration; that went out the door along with spontaneity a long time ago when it became obviously clear that my life simply would not allow me to have any time for such. And so I think it is therefore my belief that it is time for a change or a break in terms of how I am supposed to be viewed by the online "community" since it is obvious that I can not "be" the continually performing and donations machine I used to be a while back, and those who have read the previous incarnations of my blog will recall how much trouble being so "active" cost me in terms of trying to fulfill demands from other folks. The point is that I have given, and quite a lot, and I am very much tired these days, unable to bring myself to simply getting anything started (or finished in most cases), and I have been more depressed this year (as well as in 2013) than I have been since 1986. It is obvious my depression is also a source of my exhaustion and my lack of energy and interest in just about anything except drinking too much too often and just vegging out doing fuck all any chance I get (which is rare as you can imagine). But the point I want to make which also segways into my next one is that I am depressed and I am not in control of my happiness. It all started a little over a whole year ago when the company got bought by a major conglomerate and "they", the bosses and managers, thought it was a good idea to put my work desk area right next to the spoiled princess bitch at work whom everyone loves and adores and cherishes and ass kisses. Since then, things have been going downhill, spiraling out of control, and I have tried to assign the blame and the problem on numerous other aspects which pretty much were accentuated by this little fact. They placed me next to the poisonous viper, thinking who knows what in terms of how it was supposed to affect the so-called "team spirit" but it just ended up killing me bit by bit, a little more each day. Until it became  clear to myself at least, that I was having a nervous breakdown. I did not expect anyone else to realize this as most people are work with are of the proto-typical mindless drones who just follow fads and the usual office politics, and I haven't told anyone because the princess bitch is the "golden girl" to everyone here: she's just everyone's bestest of friends and knows everything and is everyone's favorite person. The fact she referred to me as certifiably insane to her boyfriend about 6 feet away from me while everyone within earshot could hear and she thought I could not (hear) is obviously not another proof that she is pure evil incarnate, or at least the hypocritical heartless and soulless bitch that it seems only I can perceive. She represents all that is wrong in today's world, all that I have fought desperately to avoid since escaping high school, and everything which makes working for a corporation with thousands of minions such a soul eating experience for the suffocating "non-traditionalist" that I am. But anyway this segways into my other point about the commercial and collective hypocrisy. I am sure I shall be able to express my deep sadness for the passing of genius Robin Williams in the near future (you have no idea how much that has in fact affected me), but I am quite appalled at how it took he death of a celebrity suffering from manic depression to cause some kind of awareness to the cause. I mean depression has been around since consciousness so why did it take Mr Williams' story to attract all this media attention surrounding mental illness? Well probably it is because without a high profile victim, there is no profit to be made about spreading awareness. And yes, of course this pissed me off to no end. My father suffered from depression, I suffered from it since I was 15, and countless others throughout history have so as well. Big mother fucking deal if in august 2014 suddenly "everyone" is now an "expert" on the subject matter because every blogger on the interweb made a Robin Williams homage page. Fuck them all, you pathetic stereotypical hollywood vultures. It just goes to show you how little you actually know, and even less care. If anyone gave a serious fuck, someone would have been there to help him before he ended his torment. My own little thought about the passing of this great mind was one simple phrase which I shared without artifice not fanfare on facebook: "may your rest give you the peace you could not find in life". None of that hollywood bullshit of "let's become more aware because we have to avoid such tragedies" which will be quickly forgotten within the span of weeks, if not days. Robin Williams had nothing but respect from me, more in recent years than ever before (which is why I elevated him from gifted to genius a few years ago, in my book) when I discovered he was just as energetic, heart-attack inducing funny, and socially relevant these days as ever before. His advancing years did not slow him down, if anything his life experience gave him more fuel to feed the fire. I've always respected him, made more so by Terry Gilliam's "The Fisher King" in the early 90s, and then saw the genius erupting from him since the Y2K. Calling him a legend is not enough, and referring to his demise as a tragedy is far from being strong enough of an expression. If he would give his all in anything he did, leaving a little bit of his soul behind on stage after each performance, then it is only normal that my already half rotted and dried up soul also died a bit when he did. Which is why I have absolutely no respect to anyone who talks about awareness to depression these days, when they could have stopped playing their video games or video chatting and actually have done something to elevate their own consciousness on the matter before their beloved hollywood icons offed themselves. Stupid fucking humans! Anyway it's basically that old saying involving shedding tears over spilled milk. Things are what they are and there is little to nothing anyone at the bottom of the food chain can do anything about it. People tend to have this grandiose perception of themselves because they post emoticons all over the internet thinking that it gives them a voice to be heard and a certain form of importance to share their thoughts and views. Trouble is it gives people delusions of grandeur and they think their say actually counts for something. It doesn't matter what your name is, what your online handle is, and what title they gave you, unless you are a senior executive VIP with tons of cash and a majority of shares in the stocks of the world leader economy, your say counts for a grand total of ziltch for everyone and the majority of people at that. Boo-hoo about your opinions and insight; at best they'll be ripped off from you and copyrighted by someone else to be marketed into the next hip thing to become a parody of its original intent, or worst yet, used against you at the first opportunity to strike you down by anyone who sees you are their next meal in order for them to get to the next level! Anyway I have to stop this one since it has been going on for much too long, offering more a ranting platform than a true update on fun porn sex things, and the sheer size of the test alone on my phone (as I do the bulk of my writing on my phone these days) is slowing down the machine and making it difficult to keep typing, as every letter, character , and space between words and punctuation keeps getting slower and slower as I type along, making it increasingly difficult to write in a cohesive and linear manner. So to sum up, if it is possible to do so (since this darn post in itself has been going on for ages!) it's a dark time for Joanna and I as our online connection and relationship has reached a point require immediate attention and fixing, or something much more dire with a more permanent conclusion. One thing is certain, change is inevitable in this case as it always is in any case in this space time continuum, and only after we reach some kind of common ground will we be able to figure out where it all stands. Yes, I am a selfish prick who puts the needs and wants of other after my own since my own wife comes before I do (in more ways than one, yuck yuck yuck! Or rather yuk yuk yuk! That's better!) and then I need to see to my own recovery since this depression is eating me up alive! And speaking of depression, the whole Robin Williams story is one which reverberates in everyone, some of us more than others since we don't buy in the whole "depression is the latest fad" trending topic. As much as I'd love to write a dear, dear loving post about Mr Williams, and perhaps one day I will, for the moment I think it beat if we allowed the media craze riot to cash into it for all its worth until the rewards go stale and they find something else to sink their teeth into and milk dry for all its worth. In other unrelated news I may have been cast with a small cameo appearance in an upcoming film, but I'll have to confirm my availabilities (being overly over booked ever so continually), my porn DVD collection has gotten way out of hand, leading me to conclude that I must have the biggest porn collection in the 514, or at least one of the largest Peter North collections this side of the border. Out of my two 256 disc carrying binders, one is just about filled to the brim (the 80s & 90s binder; the other one with a few more spots left is the Y2K, compilations and Rosebud binder). My doll fetish is still there, but lack of inspiration and enthusiasm as well as time does prevent me from doing anything about it, my recent troubles with Joanna offering a somewhat important perspective on what is more important between my various secret obsessions. Because pretty much everything I "am" on this blog, everything I write about or post or share, is a secret/double life which can not be par nor shared with my real life as it were. In fact it may help contribute to my real life depression and such seeing how little satisfaction I get from it. Reality, man: what a concept! Gotta dash, writing on this thing has now begun being quite impossible! Hope to write more soon!

Monday August 18 2014:
First Night won the audience choice award on Friday night at its official first screening event, was also nominated for best actor, best actress, and best screenplay in official jury categories, and apparently won the best actor award last night but it was another cast member who won and not the one who was nominated. It's a weird and absurd situation, one which I am looking into as I write this. Today is the Bday of London Keyes, and Rebecca Bardoux, amongst others. While I was away (offline) for the weekend taking care of real life responsibilities, I also bought a chef's knife (finally), something which I have been longing for ever since I started doing real cooking. Also it seems I have a thyroid gland deficiency, and am to start taking medicine for that. Let's hope the side effects are minimal. I also need to do more blood work as well, another few 100 dollars which I hope is covered by the medical insurance I am paying each pay cheque. Suffered from weird insomnia over the weekend, as downstairs neighbours/landlords were using drills and such which made it impossible for us to rest or do anything else for that matter because of the non-soundproof nature of the apartment. The guy (landlord) is quite loud : he really speaks loudly and we hear him whenever he's in his place. Anyway, that's just part of the joy of being a tenant in an apartment. It's funny how I am dead tired at 19h30 at night, go to bed at 21h00, but wake up around 01h30 as if it were 05h00. No wonder I am all fucked up; my sleep cycle is such a crazed, on the fritz thing! Gotta run: I have a lot of work in need to juggle here at the office.

Tuesday august 19 2014; 
Will I ever get to post this monstrous epic sized waste of written thoughts? Had a strange insomnight last night: went to bed at 20h30 (yes, you read right!) after a fight with my wife which came after we got home after our dentist appointment. I passed out almost immediately after hitting the pillow/sheets, but got woken up around around 00h30 (30 past midnight) by the downstairs landlord/neighbor after he did a couple of loud bangs. From then on it was hit & miss in terms of trying to pass out again, and the alarm clock rang much too quickly in my opinion. I wanted to talk quickly about the problem with the actor making a fit online and the award for best actor which he did not get. First, the info he reported. He claimed online that the award he was up for, as best lead actor in a short for the film "First Night" was given to the other actor in the film, who was NOT nominated for that film. So he went on a sort of rampage online which culminated in him telling off the judges and juries, the organizer and festival in general, as well as the other actor who won the award, as well as the cast and crew for going along with it. Obviously this rubbed people the wrong way, as no one likes to be told "fuck you" online by other folks. The jury/judges especially were pissed. Well after a few hours I finally got confirmation from the director of the film that he and the other actor ended up winning special unrelated awards from the jury for the film "First Night". These awards were not part of the official nominations. The lead actor who was originally nominated probably did not catch up on that and thought (as did I until I got numerous confirmations) that "his" award was taken away and given to the other guy in the film who was not nominated. So he went on a rant and rave online, his wife who isn't as well written as he is but more explosive, also jumped on the band wagon, as did their friends. The festival organizer said we should talk to the actor guy because his online hissy fit made a couple of people quite uncomfortable and thus two other festival organizers who had originally wanted to showcase "First Night" were seriously thinking about dropping the film altogether. A journalist for Fangoria magazine who had written an in-depth analysis of the film had now postponed, maybe indefinitely, her review article. Finally the other actor who won the other special award sent him a private message, which only infuriated the first actor, prompting him to use it as fuel for his fire. Later on the director of the film also sent him a private message, and eventually things got quiet, the blog post in question taken offline. But no news about what was happening now, and if the film was being picked up again for other festivals to show. But now it finally dawned upon me that the original actor, the one who made that fit online, is perhaps the "spoiled" narcissist egoist that others were hinting at. Although I was told on the actual set of "First Night" by other cast members that they'd never work with him (nor his wife) again, it took me well over a whole year before realizing that he is in fact quite the "brat" that others have perhaps only hinted at. It is sad but I think I too am thinking of boycotting him out of future endeavors. Oh well! So aside from that, the film "First Night" is doing well, obviously attracting attention and support and some awards as well, which is absolutely wonderful because it was made without any real budget, by a film maker who is considered an "unknown" even in the underground-independent circuits, using primitive means and only the drive of people involved to keep it afloat. I am very proud for the film maker and those who have contributed to it, and really hope this is just a mere beginning for those involved. Now I'll just wait and see what happens from this point forward and hope I also will be called upon in the troupe's upcoming ventures. Film making is hard at best and offers little to no recognition, but the rewards it does offer are quite satisfying on an inner artistic level. So now let's hope I can finally post this lengthy mother fucker and move on because this post is so long and huge that it is almost impossible to add anything to it anymore! Until next time...